Fox & Burrow

Seeking & Creating Beauty

Ladies, Submit!

Bruk MarshComment

I'll start out by saying, there is something uniquely permeating about the current feminist climate that makes me hesitant to give any opinion on this topic for risk of drowning in comments, but there's a long running tradition in the church that needs to be addressed.

Ladies, submit. 

As a woman in her late 20s, you better freakin' believe I've been to a wedding or two. In fact, I've literally been to two this week, so you could say I know some things. I know that women are lovely and men are fools (a whole other topic that I'll eventually talk about here), that marriage is hard work but it's worth it, that maxi dresses conveniently cover the sweat dripping down your back and legs, that there's never going to be food for me, and most importantly, that wives submit and husbands lead. We get this very important piece of information from the Bible, so don't argue it, ladies. There's really no point. 

If you're about to close up shop and move onto the next article in your feed, hang in there for a hot second. I'm not here to disagree. Maybe just shed a little light on a topic that doesn't get talked about quite enough, or gets talked about way too much, or something like that. I'll bet you couldn't contain on all your fingers and toes the number of teachings, lectures, podcasts, etc. you've heard about women submitting to their husbands. I'll give you the reference. Ephesians 5.

Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

The nuanced way that leadership is described here gives me the deepest inner peace. It doesn't churn my stomach to think of being fully surrendered to "a love marked by giving not getting." To a man whose "words evoke my beauty and bring out the best in me". To leadership that "isn't domineering, but cherishing." Whoa. Seriously, ladies, who's got a problem with that? The issue is that I've never heard that at a wedding. Or in a church. Or on a blog. Actually, never. (Maybe because these weddings are all mysteriously led by men?) In fact, I've heard the near opposite. Something like "God calls us to love sacrificially, but we all fail at that and even when we do, it's your job to submit." But what about that special little line there - "the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership". Are we called to submission when our spouses aren't walking in line with Jesus' character? Jesus was/is way too female-empowering for that, right? This is a serious question, guys. I'm feeling things out.

ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, I've rarely heard someone back up just one verse: "Submit yourselves, one to another, out of reverence for Christ." Hold up. It seems like God saw this coming and tried to prepare us for it. I don't quite know where that got lost along the way, but it seems kind of important. Wives aren't the only ones called to submission? Is it possible that there's a time for husbands to submit to the leadership of their wives? Wouldn't it be wild if you couldn't "out submit" each other? I mean, you are one, after all.

Like I said, I'm grappling with this whole topic, and as a single lady, I'd love to get a better grasp on it before I have a husband and it's an actual issue in my life. Married ladies? Advice? My one and only piece of experience, thus far, was with a guy I went on a few dates with. Sorry to say, I wasn't really feeling it, BUT the one thing I took away from that short season was how incredibly easy it is to care for someone who sees you with Jesus' eyes. Not a day passed that he didn't tell me exactly what God sees in me. And I just wanted to be there for him and support him any way I could, despite having no romantic feelings. It was the most natural thing. I think that's how it should be. That maybe God made us that way. 

xo, Bruk

P.S. One more quick note for the road. "Wives, submit to your husbands" is not the same as "women, submit to men". Don't let them trick you.

Let Me Tell You Why You Should Break Up

Bruk Marsh6 Comments

"How are you still single?!"

It's that nagging question that's supposed to be flattering, but kind of isn't, and you don't really know the answer to, and you spiral into that rabbit hole in your brain where everything you've ever done hides, and you don't stop analyzing for the next three weeks.

On the off chance that someone reading this doesn't know the one thing that seemingly everyone on the planet knows, I'm nearly 29 and I've never had a boyfriend. I wrote this blog last year when I was nearly 28 and had never had a boyfriend and it seriously gets stranger every year. I so vividly remember turning 16 and thinking This is it. This is the year I have my first boyfriend. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Fast forward to 18. I was like Hmm, weird that hasn't happened yet. I wonder why no one's interested.

21: Wow, I'm 21 and I've never had a boyfriend. WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS IS WRONG WITH ME?

23: Oh my gosh, I'm 23 and I've never had a boyfriend. This is insane. I should get an award. I'm amazing.

25: Crap. I have malaria AND I'm going to be alone forever!

28: I'm getting too old to care about this. Jesus, you my boo.

29: LET ME TELL YOU WHY YOU SHOULD BREAK UP.

Seriously, you guys, here's the thing. THIS is why I'm single. I can't possibly imagine spending every day with someone I don't think is the coolest ever. I've been told for years that my bar is set too high, and I used to buy into it, but NOT ANY MORE. Too many people are believing the lie! Don't lower the bar! There is a serious lack of healthy relationships because people are settling. Settling for lust, for "nice", for not alone. It's an epidemic. 


For real, I think this might be my message to the world. If you're thinking maybe you should break up, you should break up*. There is someone out there who will blow your mind one day. Even if it's in ten years. And think about it. Would you rather be married to someone you moderately like now and for your entire life, or wait ten more years to marry someone you actually want to be around. I'll take door #2, Monty.


Look, I'm not searching for perfection. I know that physical attraction isn't the most important thing. I know that you could be potentially shocked that you'd ever be head over heels for the person that you are. There's no box I'm putting my future person in. But I can tell you this. If I don't like spending time with him more than I like being alone, it's not worth it. If he doesn't make me want to more of Jesus, it's not worth it. If I don't feel safe being 100% myself, it's not worth it.

So there you have it. To all the people wondering why I've never had a boyfriend, how I'm still single, what deep rooted issues I probably have... I've just never met the coolest guy ever. If you have, help a sister out.

xo, Bruk

*This is almost always true. If you want advice on your specific case, I'm happy to chat. Seriously. I love this conversation.

Young, Single, and Unafraid (ish)

Bruk Marsh1 Comment

Since basically forever, I have been a dreamer. My visions for life have been big and bold and brave and all the other "b" words you can think of. Okay, hopefully not all the "b" words, but what I'm saying is that a thought pops into my head and in fourteen seconds it's an entire life plan that I am 100% on board with. Sometimes they wither away in the following fourteen seconds, and sometimes they stick with me - rooted way down inside - and I know that they're now a part of me that I can't/won't let go of. Like they instantly resonate so deeply that I know they were somewhere in me all along, just waiting to be released at the right moment. 

I'm always hesitant to share these little moments. There's been this fear of failure in me for such a long time (who even knows why?) and I can't seem to shake the symptoms, despite the fact that I became okay with failing sometime last year and I've been a pro ever since. So here's my life update. Are you ready? It's weird. 

I've been living in Portland for nearly 2 years and they have been some of the best of my life. Truly, I've gained so much in that time - a deeper knowledge of who I am, who God is, and how to love and live open-handed. I've also felt like I fought for every second that I lived there. Whether financially, spiritually, or relationally, the struggle was real. As I approached the end of my lease in my cute little apartment just off NW 23rd, I had some big questions about what came next. How long was the battle worth it? If I left, where would I even go? Work? Church? Friends? And all of those questions started mixing with the reality that I'm about to be 29. TWENTY NINE. I get that it's not old, but it's kind of old. Or at least kind of old for me to be doing what I'm doing... barely making it, not doing what I'm passionate about, not taking advantage of this season of life.

YOU GUYS, I'M ALMOST 29, AND I'M SINGLE. Seriously, who else gets that much life to do what they want with?! 

As I thought about where I was going and what was next, God revealed a lot to me through so many people I couldn't even count, and to make a long story short, I settled on Lebanon, with my best friend. We've been apart for way too long, and the moment I thought of it as a real possibility, I knew it was the only possibility (the deep resonance). Filled with excitement and weird fears and more excitement, I made the move down just a couple of weeks ago. Let me tell you, it has been glorious. I was a little bit terrified of the country and the still and the quiet, but guess what. It's awesome. Sometimes the only sound I hear is birds. Or a breeze. Or a child laughing in the distance. I have no phone service. If you don't think that sounds nice, you're lying to yourself. Seriously, I know, because I was lying to myself too. 

I'll be living in a house (more specifically a trailer that I'm fixing up) that's about a one minute walk from by bestie's house. We're working together on the beginning phases of starting an ethical fashion brand (the deep resonance), I'm working for Sseko (the deep resonance), and I picked up a part-time job in an antique store. We go on walks and take photos and pick flowers. For however long this season lasts, I know that I will one day look back on it as the dreamiest, loveliest, sweetest time. It's the antithesis of my Portland season. It's effortless. It's light. And I can't wait to take you on this journey with me.

xo, Bruk

God's Love: Quality Over Quantity

Bruk MarshComment

How many times have you heard it? "God doesn't love you any more or any less, no matter what you do." It's a near truth I've heard my whole life, but somehow, functionally, haven't believed. I know it, but there's still the biting feeling that from time to time, I let God down. I don't feel as though I measure up to what He desires for me, or "walk in His plans" for me, and He's disappointed. 

If you're like me, the problem isn't preliminary, fear-based good behavior, so much as later sadness in 'failure'. The feeling of lost love for being anything less than perfect has seeped into nearly every area of my life over the years, and only recently have I discovered what a lie I've been living.

Nearly all of us love people because of their weaknesses, rather than because of their strengths.
— Noelle Hancock

A few months ago, smack dab in the middle of seasonal depression, I called my sweet friend in tears. I didn't know what I was sad about, or why I was crying, or why I even called. I just needed to feel like I was with someone. She stayed on the phone, neither of us saying much, just being there, until she spoke up and changed my world. "When you go through these seasons, it lets me love you. I suddenly feel God's heart for you in your brokenness and I understand a new, deeper level of His love." 

I'm sorry, WHAT?

At first, I couldn't accept it as truth. If anything, I thought, she understands a new level of annoyance. Seriously, who calls someone just to cry? But then I reversed the roles. Something that's all too easy to forget. You can think you're a bother, until you ask yourself how you feel when she calls crying. It's far from annoyance. Much closer to thankfulness. A vulnerability that leads to a deeper understanding of love, and particularly God's love, for that person. And the more you understand God's love for that person, the more you understand His love for you, and the more you understand that while that first statement is nearly true, it should read "God can't love you any more or any less".

This is the real game changer. God's love isn't given in quantity. It's a type of love that just is. It is for you. It pursues you. It sacrifices everything. And it runs so deep, we'll spend our entire lives trying to understand it. This Easter, we'll hear a lot about how Jesus loved us "so much" that He died for us, but I think it's the slightest bit off. It wasn't the quantity of love that caused Him to give His life - it was the quality. It's the type of love that He is. And it's why it's enough for everyone. Despite what we've done or haven't done. It's not a measurement. It's a substance.

God’s unfailing love for us is an objective fact affirmed over and over in the Scriptures. It is true whether we believe it or not. Our doubts do not destroy God’s love, nor does our faith create it. It originates in the very nature of God, who is love, and it flows to us through our union with His beloved Son.
— Jerry Bridges

xo, Bruk

The Post I've Been Avoiding

Bruk MarshComment

Have you ever had approximately 14,000 things to write about, so instead, you write about none? I'm hoping I'm not the only one who's been fighting this for a few months now. Seriously, you should see my drafts - this chick is all over the place. But I think I know why.

I've been in this season of thought. Reflection. Fighting myself (and God) just a little bit. Mulling ideas over for weeks at a time. The frustrating thing is that when I started this blog, I saw all of that coming. I knew I was diving straight into it, and my plan was to take you guys on this adventure with me. Like Bruk Marsh gets crazy vulnerable and tells you everything that's on her mind, profound or not, and sometimes shares a song or photo she really likes. That was the plan. Then something happened. My grandpa died. My sweet, precious, Poppy. And there aren't words for that. There's not a blog post that can express the feeling of loss and happiness and hope and love and sadness that happen in that moment, and it feels unfair to talk about anything else. Bringing it up here feels cheap, and not bringing it up.... well, if I don't I'll probably never write about anything ever again.

So here we go... to the best of my ability. My grandpa was incredible. He left a legacy of kindness and gentleness and humility. He brought life to every room. He was in love with children. He was in love with my grandma. He was in love with his kids and his grandkids. He was in love with love. He was in love with Jesus. More deeply than any person I've known. The world is lacking without him. My world is lacking without him. And even in his own passing, he's given me hope. People have shared his stories with me, and every time I glean something new. Something I didn't know he thought/believed. Things I wish we would've talked about, but I'm also glad we never did, because I need to hear them now. I could write for years about how special he is to me, but I'll leave you with this one tiny story. It may seem like nothing, but it shaped me.

We sat in silence in the living room, just him and I. I was by the fire and he was across the room in his chair, Bible in lap, eyes closed. "Brookie, how's your walk with Jesus?" I could barely answer. Tears instantly welled up from that deep place - the place they're coming from as I write this - where they catch in your throat and block out your words. I think it was the one and only time I've been asked that question. I had just returned from the 'mission field' in Africa. People made a lot of assumptions about my walk with Jesus. I was almost afraid to answer, but not for him. For me. "It's not good, Poppy." I saw him tear up too. He invited me onto his lap and asked, "you know what I've been struggling with lately?" And then he told me. And honestly, I don't remember what it was. What I remember is how gracious he was to me. What I remember is realizing that my 80 year old grandpa struggles with things. What I remember is how he let me sit on his lap and be human. And how close to God I felt in that moment, knowing that He wanted the very same thing.

I don't know how to end a post like this, other than just to say thank you for letting me share him with you. As long as I've battled it, he deserves a place here, clumsy as it may be. And thank you for all the love you've given me during this time. I know more deeply how much God cares for me because of the care I've been shown by friends and family. It's a really special gift.

 

xo, Bruk