2018 & The Visionless Blues


Whether it was the best or worst year of your life, I think we can all agree that it was FREAKIN' WEIRD. Like any other year, 2017 holds some of the most precious and hardest days of my life. I  moved in with my best friend, started our business, became a dog mom again, experienced death and loss... honestly, I feel like it's been twelve years. But at the end of the day, I essentially live on a commune, Donald Trump is the president of the United States, and today, on this last day of the year, I nearly passed out and fell down in the shower, then laid there in the tub for twenty minutes. 


As 2018 approaches, I can't help but feel basicallyyyyyy nothing. Last year I was so hopeful and excited. Like it was my year. Like I was going to rule the world. And it sort of was. And I sort of did. None of it was easy, but when I look over my vision and goals for the year, I accomplished ALL of them. For maybe the first time ever. This year I have none of those feels. Like when I look back, 2018 will be an insignificant blip on the timeline of my life. 

I feel so unmotivated about making goals and resolutions that KALA MADE THEM FOR ME. She was like... "Hey Bruk, here's a list of goals for this year." And I was like, "Okay, sounds great!" Maybe not that enthusiastically because one of them was to go on twelve dates (TWELVE DATES???) and I'm not sure how likely that is, but that's not the point. The point is that I couldn't even come up with my own goals for the year!

I've got one plan for a little something that pushes me out of my comfort zone (I'll share more later), but aside from that, the only other thing I could muster up was a trip to Canada. I mean... I've been wanting to do that for a long time, so this could be it?? Leaving my 2018 resolutions as such...

+ Go on twelve dates (Okay, still, TWELVE DATES?!)
+ Get a guy's phone number (And I asked, and he DOES have to be someone I'm actually interested in, so that makes things harder.)
+ Tell a guy I think he's handsome (Also, has to be someone I'm truly interested in. EYE ROLL.)
+ Play three shows (Way more in the realm of possibility.)
+ Play an open mic night (Easy. Kind of.)
+ Go to Canada (???)

So here's the deal. As I was sharing all of this with Kala last night, she reminded me of something huge. This year will be what I make it. Whether it holds any milestones or not, I get to choose to make it great. I can put on the sparkly dress and make the memories special, or I can hunker down and get through it. And I think we all know that's not my style, so I guess it's time I change my attitude. Henceforth I shall go on believing that 2018 will be my best year yet. Or at least pretending I believe it until I finally do. Help a sister out! What do you do to get yourself out of the visionless blues? 

xo, Bruk

Bruk MarshComment