Since basically forever, I have been a dreamer. My visions for life have been big and bold and brave and all the other "b" words you can think of. Okay, hopefully not all the "b" words, but what I'm saying is that a thought pops into my head and in fourteen seconds it's an entire life plan that I am 100% on board with. Sometimes they wither away in the following fourteen seconds, and sometimes they stick with me - rooted way down inside - and I know that they're now a part of me that I can't/won't let go of. Like they instantly resonate so deeply that I know they were somewhere in me all along, just waiting to be released at the right moment.
I'm always hesitant to share these little moments. There's been this fear of failure in me for such a long time (who even knows why?) and I can't seem to shake the symptoms, despite the fact that I became okay with failing sometime last year and I've been a pro ever since. So here's my life update. Are you ready? It's weird.
I've been living in Portland for nearly 2 years and they have been some of the best of my life. Truly, I've gained so much in that time - a deeper knowledge of who I am, who God is, and how to love and live open-handed. I've also felt like I fought for every second that I lived there. Whether financially, spiritually, or relationally, the struggle was real. As I approached the end of my lease in my cute little apartment just off NW 23rd, I had some big questions about what came next. How long was the battle worth it? If I left, where would I even go? Work? Church? Friends? And all of those questions started mixing with the reality that I'm about to be 29. TWENTY NINE. I get that it's not old, but it's kind of old. Or at least kind of old for me to be doing what I'm doing... barely making it, not doing what I'm passionate about, not taking advantage of this season of life.
YOU GUYS, I'M ALMOST 29, AND I'M SINGLE. Seriously, who else gets that much life to do what they want with?!
As I thought about where I was going and what was next, God revealed a lot to me through so many people I couldn't even count, and to make a long story short, I settled on Lebanon, with my best friend. We've been apart for way too long, and the moment I thought of it as a real possibility, I knew it was the only possibility (the deep resonance). Filled with excitement and weird fears and more excitement, I made the move down just a couple of weeks ago. Let me tell you, it has been glorious. I was a little bit terrified of the country and the still and the quiet, but guess what. It's awesome. Sometimes the only sound I hear is birds. Or a breeze. Or a child laughing in the distance. I have no phone service. If you don't think that sounds nice, you're lying to yourself. Seriously, I know, because I was lying to myself too.
I'll be living in a house (more specifically a trailer that I'm fixing up) that's about a one minute walk from by bestie's house. We're working together on the beginning phases of starting an ethical fashion brand (the deep resonance), I'm working for Sseko (the deep resonance), and I picked up a part-time job in an antique store. We go on walks and take photos and pick flowers. For however long this season lasts, I know that I will one day look back on it as the dreamiest, loveliest, sweetest time. It's the antithesis of my Portland season. It's effortless. It's light. And I can't wait to take you on this journey with me.