"How are you still single?!"
It's that nagging question that's supposed to be flattering, but kind of isn't, and you don't really know the answer to, and you spiral into that rabbit hole in your brain where everything you've ever done hides, and you don't stop analyzing for the next three weeks.
On the off chance that someone reading this doesn't know the one thing that seemingly everyone on the planet knows, I'm nearly 29 and I've never had a boyfriend. I wrote this blog last year when I was nearly 28 and had never had a boyfriend and it seriously gets stranger every year. I so vividly remember turning 16 and thinking This is it. This is the year I have my first boyfriend.
Fast forward to 18. I was like Hmm, weird that hasn't happened yet. I wonder why no one's interested.
21: Wow, I'm 21 and I've never had a boyfriend. WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS IS WRONG WITH ME?
23: Oh my gosh, I'm 23 and I've never had a boyfriend. This is insane. I should get an award. I'm amazing.
25: Crap. I have malaria AND I'm going to be alone forever!
28: I'm getting too old to care about this. Jesus, you my boo.
29: LET ME TELL YOU WHY YOU SHOULD BREAK UP.
Seriously, you guys, here's the thing. THIS is why I'm single. I can't possibly imagine spending every day with someone I don't think is the coolest ever. I've been told for years that my bar is set too high, and I used to buy into it, but NOT ANY MORE. Too many people are believing the lie! Don't lower the bar! There is a serious lack of healthy relationships because people are settling. Settling for lust, for "nice", for not alone. It's an epidemic.
For real, I think this might be my message to the world. If you're thinking maybe you should break up, you should break up*. There is someone out there who will blow your mind one day. Even if it's in ten years. And think about it. Would you rather be married to someone you moderately like now and for your entire life, or wait ten more years to marry someone you actually want to be around. I'll take door #2, Monty.
Look, I'm not searching for perfection. I know that physical attraction isn't the most important thing. I know that you could be potentially shocked that you'd ever be head over heels for the person that you are. There's no box I'm putting my future person in. But I can tell you this. If I don't like spending time with him more than I like being alone, it's not worth it. If he doesn't make me want to more of Jesus, it's not worth it. If I don't feel safe being 100% myself, it's not worth it.
So there you have it. To all the people wondering why I've never had a boyfriend, how I'm still single, what deep rooted issues I probably have... I've just never met the coolest guy ever. If you have, help a sister out.
*This is almost always true. If you want advice on your specific case, I'm happy to chat. Seriously. I love this conversation.