The Stirring Strikes Again
You guys. It's been a long time. I know. I actually don't even know where to start this thing, because holy smokes, this season has been FULL.
When God Meets You
Alright. So here's the deal. I'm a different woman than the last time I was here. That might sound dramatic, but it's totally not. I've been born again again and I have this fresh, deep, beautiful, overflowing, joyous love for Jesus and others. I live in a new world. God has given me deeper understanding of His love and goodness that SHOOK ME TO MY CORE. In a spectacular moment, God met me and showed me how much I desire His goodness above EVERYTHING. You guys, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.
I'll be real and say that I've had some struggles this past year. I've put desires in front of God, and feelings in front of facts, and lies in front of truth. I've been off balance, and it led me to places I didn't want to be. Striving. Offendable. Scattered. Most of all, self-focused. There's not really a way to put into words what I experienced that day, meeting God, asking Him for His goodness and nothing else. I won't even try because it's our moment. But what I can tell you is what followed.
A burst of joy. A flood of love. I walked through the Walmart parking lot CRYING because I suddenly felt overwhelmed by God's heart for every person I walked past. I was actually shouting (in my head, but the shouting was VERY real) "God I just want Your goodness! I don't care where I live! I don't care what I do for work! I don't care if I'm married! I don't care if I'm single forever! I don't care if I have kids! You're enough, God! I know You're enough!"
And you guys. I meant it. And I mean it. With every fiber of my being. For maybe the first time ever. And I knew that in some of those areas, it would be the last time I ever struggled. I knew that I will never again have fear about marriage. Whether or not it will happen. Whether or not it will be a good thing. Whether or not I can trust God with my heart. I knew that I was okay with moving. Even if it meant leaving good things for a season. I knew that I have never been and will never be defined by my job. My value is So. Much. Deeper. All I can say is that there is no better feeling than trading in your freedom from for freedom for. And I'll stop there, because I could talk about this all night.
When God Leads You
So. You could say I'm in a good place. And you would be speaking figuratively, because the place I'm actually in is Lebanon. This occurred to me during a chat with Kala a few months back about my singleness, and how I'm doing, and all the things. She said something about me being "in a good place", then felt this stirring like maybe I'm not in a "good place". Physically. Like there might be more for me somewhere else. I've told her, time and again, that I have all I need here. She is one of the great loves of my life and being here, in relationship with her, is more than I could ask for. But for some reason this time felt different. Like there was something to what she was saying. My brain gears starting moving, and within a few weeks the wheels were in motion. (That's how those things work, right? I don't understand motorvehicles.)
That very same week I found out that my sweet sister and brother-in-law are having a baby. A BABY. I KNOW. I talked with them and God about moving a little closer, and as plans started unfolding, there was such peace and trust that this was a good thing. I talked with Kala and a few close friends, and had the overwhelming response that it was a move I needed to make. No matter how hard. Regardless of what I would have to leave behind. Something good is around the corner. I believe it. I feel it in my bones. In my guts. I feel God smiling on it. There's a pull to something that's going to change my life. I mean, literally, it has to. I'm moving to another state, getting another job, joining another community. My life will be upside down. And something in me can't wait. OF COURSE, I've been all sorts of sappy, thinking of leaving Kala. I've shed many tears over the pieces of one another's lives that we won't get to be a part of. Not getting to see each other every day. Not going on photo adventures all summer long. Down to the fact that our dogs won't have each other. Seriously. I'm an emotional lady. But it hit me the other day that I want to go. I trust that there's something greater for me there.
So there it is. I've got a busy couple of months ahead of me.
Weddings, family vacation, work.
And then moving. (To the sun. GOD BLESS.)
Turning 30, more weddings, and fingers crossed, more work.
You could wish me luck, but I won't need it;)
P.S. If you're wondering about WELCOME or Fox & Burrow, this changes nothing. I mean... it changes a few things, but we'll be back for summer with jumpsuits, overalls, and dresses galore.