Running From The Comfort Zone
Where is Bruk? What has she been doing? What's the plan? Has she lost her mind?
All questions you might be asking about me are the questions I'm asking myself on the daily.
This has been one of the craziest, busiest seasons that seems like it's moving so fast and in slow motion all at the same time. Two weeks ago, after a lot of wondering how in the world everything was going to work out, I finally made the move to Redlands, California. Jesus opened the door of the most amazing house and I ran through it. I stepped out in "faith" with no job, no money, and no real plan. Sure of only one thing, really. That God was leading me into something that I couldn't turn down. That there was something beautiful on the other side that I wasn't willing to give up. So everything else was worth leaving.
For a number of reasons, it was truly one of the hardest days of my life. Leaving my best friend. Leaving a place that had finally started to feel a little bit like home. DRIVING SEVENTEEN HOURS WITH TWO ANIMALS AND NO A/C IN JULY.
Can we take a side note here to talk about how Rockwell had a happy little seat made up for him in the back, but FOUR TIMES he decided he'd rather sit in the front, climbed up on top of everything packed on the passenger seat and then crawled into my lap while I was driving down the freeway??? Oh, and also, that while a sweet woman at a rest stop admired him and gave him pets through her car window, he took the opportunity to JUMP THROUGH THE WINDOW into the air-conditioned car. You guys, the struggle was sooooo real.
Anyway, after a sweaty, torturous day and millions of shed tears, I got my dehydrated self home and felt such a sweet relief. The peace and assurance of my decision to walk into this new life was restored as we sat around the dinner table, in the cool(ish) of the night, and shared our hearts with one another. I knew it was what my soul needed and I had such a deep rest that night, trusting that God had led me here and good was coming.
The next day, I quickly got out to learn about the town and search for a job. I wasn't worried because, honestly, jobs have never been hard for me to come by and I trusted that God would provide. I didn't have any luck at the recommended spots, so I "hit the pavement" again on Tuesday to no avail. For one whole week I had absolutely no luck. And I was 100% not discouraged.
And here we run into the problem of comfort zones. I've taken some big steps in life. Steps that required alllll the faith. And the walls of my comfort zone got pushed back. I claimed ground as my own. I had the faith to step out of comfort, and it created a whole new place where faith was no longer required. I went to Uganda and stretched the zone. I moved to Uganda and stretched the zone. I moved to Portland and stretched the zone. I moved to Lebanon and stretched the zone. Moving to a new city with no job isn't crazy for me. It's in the zone I created. Being a week and half into my move with no job... that's out of my comfort zone. That requires faith. Having no money, when rent is due TOMORROW... that's out of my comfort zone. That requires faith.
In case you didn't pick up on it, I still don't have a job or money and rent is due tomorrow. Hahahaha.
A few nights ago, as I was out on a walk around our beautiful neighborhood, I started asking God how He was going to provide. I told Him that I trusted Him to take care of me and that He wouldn't lead me to a place that I wouldn't thrive. But my stomach suddenly sank and I started giving into the "what ifs". What if He didn't lead me here? What if I took this big step and it wasn't even Him? What if I'm not in God's will any more? I started spiraling, but before I could even make it home He stilled my heart and reminded me of a sweet truth. You came here because you believed I led you here. You trusted me with your life and I'll honor it. Walking by faith isn't comfortable or it isn't faith.
I don't know exactly know how to wrap this up, other than to say, don't let yourself get too comfortable. Stretch the zone. The moment that you see God come through is the most special thing. Leaning into Him is the most beautiful comfort. Far more comforting than the comfort zone.